Happiness or wellbeing?
What’s good for you is not necessarily what makes you happy.

I’d take difficult unhealthy exhausting happiness any time. [so I write]
But I have failed.

I saw the abyss, then closed my eyes.
I went for safe comforts instead.

I keep closing my eyes, in this tidy garden
and I think,
.      [comfortable. scared]       
.                 this neat empty wellbeing I’ve settled for
.                                                                             will kill me.